Seven Things I’d Rather Do Than Conduct Another Google Image Search for “Necrotizing Fasciitis”

1. Ride a tiny Ski-Doo into Puke City.
2. Utilize a rototiller in the sexual way.
3. Tongue-kiss dead Adolf Hitler indefinitely.
4. Pledge allegiance to Captain Tampon.
5. Eat a deodorant stick in a social setting.
6. Make pasta salad with cremains as the only ingredient.
7. Give the SWAT team access to my vas deferens area.