Things I Don’t Currently Do for Fun but Am Thinking About Starting Doing

Fart whenever I pass a Capri Sun.

Tie helium balloons to my cigarettes and follow them around the room, taking little puffs as I go.

Walk around town with a sandwich board on that says

a) thinking about going gay for a weekend, or b) Can I smell you?

Put ketchup on my salad.

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The New Enthusiast