My Two Moms, Two Dads, and This Guy Named Hobie
“Takin’ It To The Teats”
Joni Mitchell and Jay Z
“Closer to Brine”
(sample lyric: “The further I am from some freshwater source / the closer I am to brine.”)
New Enthusiast contributor and University of New Hampshire sophomore Justin Pelletier made his long-awaited Twitter debut this week. Using the handle @ChicksDigJustin, Pelletier has taken to the microblogging site with gusto to issue his trademark boasts, incantations, ruminations, and penis aphorisms. Below is a choice selection of recent Pelletier tweets. Stay tuned for future dispatches.
I’ve got March Madness in my pants.
Thinking of getting a tatt of an AR-15 on my business.
I hold the record for being the youngest kid to blow up a car with a crossbow.
When I turned 12 I had to get an FID for my wang.
For a second there I thought Neil deGrasse Tyson had a whole TV show about my balls.
As soon as I finish eating this steak and cheese, the world shall know my name.
Apparently I have been marinading in white privilege.
My boy Dougie C. drank two thirty packs yesterday. He’s not conscious. Either blacked out or dead. Probably dead.
America’s purest poetry is uttered in anticipation of cheese steaks at food trucks after last call.
Last night I ate a theater kid’s puppet.
A Venn diagram of poetry and my junk would amount to a single circle.
If a Bunga Bunga party happens in a soundproofed and padded pleasure chamber in the forests of Calabria, and Silvio Berlusconi, with the assistance of South Korea’s women’s badminton squad, achieves Full Vesuvius, does it make a sound?
Get jiggy without it.
Devise a sabermetrics of Narnia.