Selections from Ladies Love the D: The Tweets of Justin Pelletier

New Enthusiast contributor and University of New Hampshire sophomore Justin Pelletier made his long-awaited Twitter debut this week. Using the handle @ChicksDigJustin, Pelletier has taken to the microblogging site with gusto to issue his trademark boasts, incantations, ruminations, and penis aphorisms. Below is a choice selection of recent Pelletier tweets. Stay tuned for future dispatches.

I’ve got March Madness in my pants.

Thinking of getting a tatt of an AR-15 on my business.

I hold the record for being the youngest kid to blow up a car with a crossbow.

When I turned 12 I had to get an FID for my wang.

For a second there I thought Neil deGrasse Tyson had a whole TV show about my balls.

As soon as I finish eating this steak and cheese, the world shall know my name.

Apparently I have been marinading in white privilege.

My boy Dougie C. drank two thirty packs yesterday. He’s not conscious. Either blacked out or dead. Probably dead. #CircleOfLife

America’s purest poetry is uttered in anticipation of cheese steaks at food trucks after last call.

Last night I ate a theater kid’s puppet.

A Venn diagram of poetry and my junk would amount to a single circle.