My Two Moms, Two Dads, and This Guy Named Hobie
Author: Sean Casey
Motivational Song for a Milker of Cows
“Takin’ It To The Teats”
One Terrible Idea for a Musical Collaboration
Joni Mitchell and Jay Z
Song from Indigo Girls’ New Maritime Concept Album
“Closer to Brine”
(sample lyric: “The further I am from some freshwater source / the closer I am to brine.”)
Selections from Ladies Love the D: The Tweets of Justin Pelletier
New Enthusiast contributor and University of New Hampshire sophomore Justin Pelletier made his long-awaited Twitter debut this week. Using the handle @ChicksDigJustin, Pelletier has taken to the microblogging site with gusto to issue his trademark boasts, incantations, ruminations, and penis aphorisms. Below is a choice selection of recent Pelletier tweets. Stay tuned for future dispatches.
I’ve got March Madness in my pants.
Thinking of getting a tatt of an AR-15 on my business.
I hold the record for being the youngest kid to blow up a car with a crossbow.
When I turned 12 I had to get an FID for my wang.
For a second there I thought Neil deGrasse Tyson had a whole TV show about my balls.
As soon as I finish eating this steak and cheese, the world shall know my name.
Apparently I have been marinading in white privilege.
My boy Dougie C. drank two thirty packs yesterday. He’s not conscious. Either blacked out or dead. Probably dead. #CircleOfLife
America’s purest poetry is uttered in anticipation of cheese steaks at food trucks after last call.
Last night I ate a theater kid’s puppet.
A Venn diagram of poetry and my junk would amount to a single circle.
New Enthusiast Koan #3
If a Bunga Bunga party happens in a soundproofed and padded pleasure chamber in the forests of Calabria, and Silvio Berlusconi, with the assistance of South Korea’s women’s badminton squad, achieves Full Vesuvius, does it make a sound?
New Enthusiast Koan #2
Get jiggy without it.
New Enthusiast Koan #1
Devise a sabermetrics of Narnia.
The Last Three Lines of Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” As Rewritten by Justin Pelletier, 19
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one that led to a party at my boy Rick’s apartment,
And that has made all the difference because now I’m hammered.
The Power of the Letter G
Dong Quixote
The New Enthusiast 