Rick Steves, King of This Fucking Barrio

“I’m the king of this fucking barrio, okay?” noted travel writer Rick Steves yelled as he thrust an impromptu shiv into the side of a man (the offending party) being held by two larger men (associates of Rick Steves’, presumably). The wound was bad, Rick Steves knew, but not so bad that the offending party would die. For this reason, and for a number of others, Rick Steves was the king of this fucking barrio.

from The Adventures of a Hot Oily Man

A hot oily man walked into a bar.

“Barkeep,” he gestured. “Draft.”

The lukewarm barman drew a cold beer and cautiously set it before the glistening patron.

A minute or so passed.

“You’re awful shiny,” the barman said.

“You’re right about that,” the hot oily man said.

The hot oily man took a sip of beer, relishing its relative coolness.

“If I may be so bold,” the barman said. “What happened?”

“Suntan lotion,” the oily man said. “Overzealous application.”

“As long as you’re not some kind of weirdo,” the barman said.

The two men laughed nervously—then, in perfect unison, stopped.

The hot oily man sipped the remainder of his beer in a decorous manner.

Press Release For The New “Weird” Al Yankovic Single.

After years of concentrating on more ephemeral content such as food and food, Yankovic is releasing a new single in early 2013 regarding the serious social ill of male insomnia. Additionally, the adventurous Yankovic will be plumbing into seminal goth-rock band, The Cure’s back catalog.

Using The Cure’s 1989 hit “Fascination Street” as a backdrop, Yankovic’s new single “Masturbation, Sleep” was written on a “sleepless night in mid-November…well a partial sleepless night in mid-November, if you know what I mean.” according to Yankovic.

Passion of the Cistulli (2011)

The widely-acclaimed winner of the 2011 Moonslouch Film Festival (documentary short subject), Passion of the Cistulli is a gripping account of Cistulli’s Passion of April 17, 2011, when, from 3:30 to 3:52 PM, he lost wi-fi connectivity and realized his fridge was empty of beer (—what Cistulli fittingly calls “a liquid version of the internet”). While lacking in redemption or forgiveness of sins, Passion of the Cistulli does have its own resurrection: a worn and forlorn Cistulli travels, on foot, to a nearby Bruegger’s, where he finds both free wi-fi and a barista with a “vivifying, life-affirming rack.”

from Adventures in White Privilege

In the early 1990s, in a white upper-middle to upper class enclave twenty miles north of Boston, at a baseball camp situated at the high school, a camp counselor, a grizzled coach from a nearby city, said this to his vanilla charges after they failed to turn infield plays with sufficient speed and esprit: “This sort of play will get you by for now. But when you get to high school—boys, you’re going to have to play against Black kids, and they’re fast.”

On the Production of Literary Gold

Here’s my report on the production of literary gold.

The production of literary gold is expensive and time-consuming.

It requires first literary mining then literary extraction then literary refinement by either the Wohlwill or Miller Process.

It has been going on since Roman Britain and earlier.

Literary gold often includes literary alloys. It is melted and placed into molds.

Let the wax mold sit until the literary gold hardens, usually between 45 minutes to an hour.

There are many human rights considerations involving the production of literary gold.

India, is one example.

Some say the environment would be better off without literary gold.

Literary gold has been highly valued in many societies throughout the ages.

It has alot of symbolism, I found. Success, rewards, how smart you are.

Literary gold is the standard by which all literature is valued.

Read more about How to Make Literary Gold at eHow.com.